i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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