mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
