summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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