He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
