this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
