I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
