mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
