so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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