Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
