just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
