i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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