why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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