Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
