I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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