I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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