I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
