If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
