Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
