i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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