I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
