There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
