I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
