It's Friday. Sex?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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