Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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