I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
please come you make the beer taste better
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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