the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
