so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
