Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
