If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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