So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
