when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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