If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
