He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
