She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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