so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Then you guys just all showered together...?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
