She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
