I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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