Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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