Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
