getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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