I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
