You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
