I feel great
I just peed on a car
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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