I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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