Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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