i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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