How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
