using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
