His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
