Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
