I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
